How to Mourn with Those that Mourn

Until my experience in the hospital with Ethan I don’t think I really knew what it meant to mourn with those that mourn, to succor someone in their time of need. I honestly will still need practice when I am ready to look outside my own bubble again.

*This is not written about any experience in particular. This is based solely on my opinion and personality.*

Here are lists of things we found extremely helpful, and a little less helpful, during our experience:

A LITTLE LESS HELPFUL:

• “Let me know if you need anything.” I really struggle to ask for help, so this was not it for me. I would rather suffer than tell someone I need something. Also, it just felt like another job on my to-do list.
• When people texted or called me and expected me to reply, it was so stressful. Example: “How are you doing?” or “Do you have any updates?”. Again, felt like a chore, and also like people where just very interested in having information rather than helping. 
• Asking “What day do you want me to drop dinner off at your house?” Most of the time I just never texted back because I didn’t know what my week would look like. It’s more helpful to receive a text that says, “I am dropping off dinner at your house on Thursday at 6. Let me know if that doesn’t work.” No response needed. Perfect.

EXTREMELY HELPFUL:

• Someone brought us a variety of different fidget toys. WE LOVED THIS. It was so simple but good to have something distracting and sensory.
• I love when people text me to tell me they are praying for me or thinking about me. Texts that you don’t have to reply to are THE BEST. It’s nice to know people love you without having to take on the responsibility of hosting a conversation.
• Someone in my ward set up a Meal Train for me, which is a website. It was helpful to just put information on there instead of having everyone in the ward texting me to see when I would be home or what allergies I had. 
• People sending money through Venmo for food was also super convenient because I never wanted to leave the hospital, so I had a lot of cafeteria food.
• Getting blankets was awesome. It just made it feel a little more cozy.
• People checking on our cat and hanging out with her so she wasn’t lonely.
• Friends and family taking shifts at night with Ethan at the hospital. I hated sleeping at home alone, but it was necessary sometimes.
• Getting water bottles. There are not many places to refill reusable water bottles at the hospital, so disposable ones were great. 
• Snacks. Fruit, candy, chips, crackers, vegetables, honestly anything. 
• Ethan LOVED having visitors. Only about 5% of our time was a bad time for visitors to come. It was nice when they just showed up instead of trying to schedule everything with me.

This list is not complete. There are a million other little things people did for us, and still do, that were helpful. If you need ideas, just keep it simple. If you want to do something, do it. You don’t have to ask for permission to do something kind. The whole idea is to help lighten someone’s load, so anything that will do that is great. I promise, that no one in a crisis will be ungrateful for any act of kindness you give them. Even something as simple as a meme can really turn someone’s day around.