The Secret Lives of People We All Actually Know

If you live in Utah and you haven’t heard about MomTok, you probably don’t spend too much time on the internet. But let me do a quick recap to catch you up.

There was a group of Mormon moms who would make TikToks together, and they called themselves MomTok. Although these woman are all technically Mormon, a lot of them were pretty open about the fact that they didn’t attend church, didn’t hold a temple recommend, and even drank. They got a lot of views because they were funny, pretty, and probably because they were not typical Mormons and people love to speculate and gossip about that shit. 

Then there was the swinging scandal. 

Taylor Frankie Paul, the supposed leader of MomTok, got on TikTok live and told her followers that some of the couples in the group had been soft swinging with each other (trading partners). Taylor herself had crossed some boundaries with one of the husbands and it caused chaos. That is probably what most of you have heard about MomTok, because it was covered by a lot of news channels. 

If you want to dig deeper into the dirt, you can google it, but that should be a pretty okay introduction.

Now, Hulu has recently released a show about some of the MomTok women called, “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives”, and the second it was announced I knew I was going to watch it. I love trashy reality tv, and I have honestly been pretty invested in all of the MomTok drama since the swinging scandal first emerged. I have known that the show has been in the works for a while now because I follow Taylor Frankie Paul and she’s posted little hints about it. 

When Hulu made the official announcement about the show airing, people were outraged, especially members of the church. There were a couple of posts going around talking about how the show was inappropriate, blasphemous, and disrespectful. The First Presidency released a statement about media, and while it wasn’t specifically about this show, it was pretty obvious that the show inspired the statement. 

I myself am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I can understand why people had this reaction. If all you know about MomTok is that these women are swingers and are now profiting off the name of a religion they obviously don’t follow all of the rules for, it feels like a slap in the face. It is a misrepresentation of a life you are striving to live, ridicule of guidelines you hold dear, and a mockery of things you believe are precious. While I understand all of this, I think that some of the backlash towards the show was interesting. 

I found it fascinating that the posts claiming that the show was disrespectful and hurtful came out before the show even aired. People had formed solid opinions about something that hadn’t even happened yet. I don’t think you need to experience everything before you form an opinion on it, but people who were posting their distaste with the show don’t even know the history of these women. 

What disturbed me the most is people saying that these women aren’t what real Mormon women are like. While they don’t represent every single woman in the church, they do represent Mormon women, and that is simply because they are Mormon. Blessed and baptized in the church, sealed in the temple, at different levels of activity, some of them even hold temple recommends. They also participate in activities that some people deem unrighteous. Some of them drink, don’t attend church currently, have been divorced, get plastic surgery, smoke weed, and dress “immodestly”. Why do these things make them less Mormon? Because they don’t live up to the expectations you have set for them in your mind? Because they don’t lie and claim to be righteous like so many other members of the church I know? They aren’t perfect, but which one of us is? 

At least they have the balls to be vulnerable and honest. These women are not a small group of 8 outliers. There are plenty of members in the church who live the way these women do, they just hide their shame in the shadows. There are people sitting in your congregations on Sunday who drink alcohol, are having an affair on their partner, suffer from a gambling addiction, watch porn regularly, swear like a sailor (🙋me) etc. Just because these women have put their mistakes and shortcomings on full blast for everyone to see does not make them any less religious.

Now, I don’t agree with all of the points they make in the show. For instance, the title is clearly just a really good marketing strategy to get people buzzing about the show. And you know what? It totally worked. I also don’t believe that in order to be a sexual human being you need to surrender your religious beliefs. (I will write a blog post about that one day I swear.) 

The show had some very real and vulnerable moments that I appreciated. I honestly think I learned a lot from it. And as far a trashy reality tv goes, it was very entertaining. 

If it’s not your cup of tea and you don’t watch it, that’s okay! I think my point in all of this is that I wish there was less judgement in the world. Stop gatekeeping religion. Live the way you know is beneficial to you and your family. And if this show really made you angry and bitter, maybe go outside and touch grass. The world is not as complicated as we want it to be. Be kind.