Bella’s Brain and Other Nonsense

If you live in Utah and you haven’t heard about MomTok, you probably don’t spend too much time on the internet. But let me do a quick recap to catch you up. There was a group of Mormon moms who would make TikToks together, and they called themselves MomTok. Although these woman are all technically Mormon, a lot of them were pretty open about the fact that they didn’t attend church, didn’t hold a temple recommend, and even drank. They got a lot of views because they were funny, pretty, and probably because they were not typical Mormons and people love to speculate and gossip about that shit.  Then there was the swinging scandal.  Taylor Frankie Paul, the supposed leader of MomTok, got on TikTok live and told her followers that some of the couples in the group had been soft swinging with each other (trading partners). Taylor herself had crossed some boundaries with one of the husbands and it caused chaos. That is probably what most of you have heard about MomTok, because it was ...

    “I’d never given much thought to how I would die.”      Actually, yes I do. Every single day. I think about death a lot, but only because I am constantly surrounded by it.      I have been a little morbid all of my life. I enjoy the spooky, the bizarre, the gross. I don’t mind the blood and guts or the taboo and hidden. My job is using technology to look inside human bodies all day, and I would be lying if I said the anomalies and breaks didn’t excite me. I think that explains a lot about me.      Death has never really scared me. I think I was exposed to a lot of death as a child, with animals, neighbors, friends, family. I feel like I went to more funerals before the age of 10 than I have been to the rest of my life.       Death is natural, although I will say a little intimidating, but it has never been scary.     But now I feel differently.      With everything that has come with ...

     Since moving in with my parents in December I haven’t been able to write at all because my mental health has taken precedent over everything else. But I’m ready to get back to it because it can honestly be so healing. Also I have recently realized that people we are close to, even family members, don’t really know what’s going on with us, so it’s definitely time for an update.     We have been living with my parents for almost 7 months now and it has honestly been really good! It took me awhile to reassess my pride and give into it, but it has been wonderful. There is a stigma around living with your parents, especially when you are well in to your 20’s, but it is such a modern idea that we should be facing all of our trials alone. For centuries families have been joining together to help lift each other up and care for each other in times of need. Although I recognize that not everyone has the privilege to be with their families while they are struggling, ...

It’s been a minute. A really freaking crazy, intense minute. Let’s catch up. We moved to Logan in May. We spent the summer being close to my sister and her husband which was honestly super nice. My sisters have lived far away from me since I’ve been married, and that’s been hard! In fact, my oldest sister left for her mission while I was in high school, and then moved to Logan pretty soon after she got back. We’ve seen each other when we visit, but it was like our relationship never progressed far from high school Bella. We finally got the chance to get to know each other as adults and that was so nice!  I transferred my job to another Intermountain facility up in Logan, and it was interesting to see how the company transfers from facility to facility. I had the opportunity to train in CT, and am really close to qualifying for my board exam! I also had a few opportunities to strengthen some areas of work that I felt insecure in. It was also nice to step away from Utah Valley for a ...